Gone in fog, in vain

I stay there like Holden Caulfield "The Catcher in the Rye" standing recumbent on glass looking on sky trying to find myself in these smoke, beeng seek of world , standing and play with the pierce of my tangue thinking why I am here  ,Just why I live, why no one can`t be just like me, I don`t understand it is normal to dream something all your life to dream at happines with "the one" and when you think you found it , it is just for thirteen minutes and then disappear in fog just like the smoke of a cigarette is just like Halloween just one night in year why is not Halloween evert night to see witches and evil every where ghosts all around you and vampires God i love vampires they are the moust beautiful kind of creature of theseworld ,if I think more  I love all the creepy things I want a spider(black widow), a crow, a black cat, I want a vampire boyfriend who bite my neck and taste my blood.I want to paint my hair with black and pink or purple, have two pierces in my lips one in my tangue , but let come back at my subject may be I`m not good enough for the person I think I love and if I`m not how should I know but I feel that he is "the one" even if he is not but I know that he like me even for the first time he saw me so I think now he loves me but how could I know when we are OK and then he disappear and don`t take any sing of life may be he is not in tawn in I don`t belive make me any test you want but let me see you , let me touch you , let me fell you , let me talk to you , let me know that you realy love me and you don`t love at me only "that side"  when I`m feel like in haven when I want you to never go , actually I want you to stay with me all the time  I want to see you every second but I don`t know what I want now I open my eyes of these sweet dream and I see me again Catcher in the Rye but now the rain starts  .And I stay just like older time , whaching all the beautigul moments spended with you and crying.